Dear John...

[combatdoc]

"Faith in humanity....dwindling."

THE "DEAR JOHN" COLUMN NEEDS YOUR LETTERS

Citizens of Hell are invited to send their letters or emails asking advice to our special columnist John, who will be answering select questions weekly in The Daily Pitchfork.  All submissions are anonymous although any information on activity of a criminal nature will of course be passed on to the police.

Comments

[reuknighted]

Dear John,

Recently, I had a really weird fling with someone. Don't get me wrong, he was pretty decent in the sack, physically. Attentive, tuned in to my needs... Trouble is, he was TOO tuned in. He kept talking during sex, which is fine and all, but the way he did it was super weird. It sounded like I was some specimen, and he was making deductions about me. The British accent was nice, but otherwise, it was totally creepy. Also, I think he was a heroin addict. I mean, I'm not sure, but he had this big coat on, and I thought I saw some needles in his pocket before he took it off. Gross!

My problem is, I think he liked it so much that he might call me back. How do I tell him I'm not interested? He gives off this weird stalkerish vibe, and I don't wanna set him off. (I don't even remember telling him my phone number the first time!) Help, please?

Signed,
Just Terrified

[combatdoc]

Dear Terrified,

Try telling him to piss off. That seems nice and clear.

We will not be posting your question in the column as it contains inappropriate sexual content. Sorry.

- John