Dear John...

[combatdoc]

"Faith in humanity....dwindling."

THE "DEAR JOHN" COLUMN NEEDS YOUR LETTERS

Citizens of Hell are invited to send their letters or emails asking advice to our special columnist John, who will be answering select questions weekly in The Daily Pitchfork.  All submissions are anonymous although any information on activity of a criminal nature will of course be passed on to the police.

Comments

[archconsultant]

From: Anonymous

Dearest John,

I'm trying to get my friend's attention, but they just don't seem to realise I exist. They're too busy with their other friends to pay any attention to little old me.

I would kill them but you know, that's naughty.

Incapacitating them should work, what do you think?