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Dear John...
"Faith in humanity....dwindling."
THE "DEAR JOHN" COLUMN NEEDS YOUR LETTERS
Citizens of Hell are invited to send their letters or emails asking advice to our special columnist John, who will be answering select questions weekly in The Daily Pitchfork. All submissions are anonymous although any information on activity of a criminal nature will of course be passed on to the police.
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Dear John,
There's a girl I like. We're good friends and I'm thinking of asking her out. The problem is I'm pretty sure she deserves better. We're both demons but she's a good person and I'm not. I've done some really bad things. I'm talking capital crimes (not committed in hell so you don't need to notify the police). I don't think she'd forgive me if she knew. She probably wouldn't want to see me again. I'm not sure what to do.
Got any advice for me?